Today I made time for my spiritual habit right after my youngest two we're on the bus. Mornings with kids can be absolute chaos and I'm in a space in my life right now where I often do have some time after they are off to myself. I'm still in my pjs, I'm honestly recovering on the couch from the stress and spoon drainage that is getting kids off to the bus, but I'm focused on my spirituality, and that's such a beautiful thing!
I went to a book I have been considering for a long time, Women of the Word by Jenn Wilkin.
I read the introduction. In it she talks about moving mountains one spoonful of dirt at a time. I really related to this analogy because at times my Chronic illness life feels like a mountain I am moving on spoonful of dirt at a time and I am so very limited on how many spoons I get each day! (See this summary of spoon theory)
Because I want to make sure that I am not ignoring the actual scriptures as I try to learn how to make spiritual habits that work for me, I then did a search for mountains in the scriptures. First off, wow! Mountains are quiet prevelant in the scriptures. They are often symbolic and are used frequently to draw us to know God, to have faith in Him and to overcome obstacles. Here are some versus I found powerful:
Isiah 2:3 And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths: for out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.
The invitation to come is always offered from God to us. He is always willing to teach me His ways!
Isiah 40:4 Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain:
I adore the reminders that the way we on earth see things is often the opposite of God's perspective. Perhaps my weaknesses (my valley's if you will) God sees as great strengths. Perhaps he loves my rough and crooked places, because He knows how to make them plain and straight.
Amos 4:13 For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind, and declareth unto man what is his thought, that maketh the morning darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the earth, The Lord, The God of hosts, is his name.
This is the God I want to come to know, this God who creates all things, who knows my thoughts. I want to take the time needed to come to know who He is. To see Him that I may become like Him.
At the end of the introduction, Jen includes these questions for reflection. Here are my answers:
1. My church pedigree is an inflexible one. I was raised "Orthodox Mormon" (That's not actually a thing, but I mean I was given really strict and often made-up parental commands around the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). That inflexibility has made me severely judgmental towards what scripture study should look like. It tends to create an all-or-nothing mindset.
2. I recognize that it is hard to trust in God when I don't make time for our relationship. I'm thirsty for spiritual sustenance in this chaotic world that is so harsh for me and my limitations.
3. I have been taught erroneous doctrine since childhood. Much of it comes from pride- from a belief of superiority due to an ability to know the words of the scriptures without searching out their full meaning.
4. I feel like I should be able to study the Word, after all I am currently going back to school for my second bachelor's degree so I know how to study. However, spiritual study isn't like book learning. Your heart and mind have to be involved. I honestly feel lost in part because how I studied as a young person who had different physical, mental, etc abilities doesn't work for me anymore.
5. My biggest obstacle is finding a time for study that works, finding a method of study that doesn't put me to sleep or awaken the judgmental giant that loves to flail my spirit so harshly and figuring out how to include God in meaningful prayer that doesn't just reach the ceiling.
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