Happy Monday

Today I don't know what I want to study, but I'm showing up to study and that is a beautiful gift. 

I open up to Women of the Word, I'm on chapter 4, Study with Perspective. It feels like a good place to start, so I dive in. Half of learning how to study the scriptures in a way that works for me is giving it a go each day. 

As we move to perspective "We move from asking, “What is the general framework for the Bible as a whole?” to “What is the particular framework for the portion of Scripture I am studying?”" -Jenn Wilkin

I am struck by the idea that I will gain for more out of my study of God's word when I have perspective of the unique time period, place and culture of the different books of Scripture. My current faith is not being built in a vacuum, but is being built on faith that spans the ages. The oldest book in the Bible is estimated to be written about 1500 bc. 

Here are the questions recommended to really dig into the perspective needed to understand Scripture. 

1. Who wrote it?

2. When was it written? 

3. To whom was it written? 

4. In what style was it written? 

5. Why was it written?

Down, but not out

I am learning about the power of character in success as I read Hidden Potential by Adam Grant. One important character trait is resilience. This morning I have been given the opportunity to practice resilience as my body is weak, but I'm not giving up. 

So this morning I am choosing to build character as I study the Come Follow Me lesson for this week: 1 Nephi 11-15. 

Nephi was given a vision that gave him power to understand the importance of his work. He saw the Savior and was taught by an angel. As I learn about God through the scriptures, I can also gain power and a vision of my own role in living the gospel. 

Jesus Christ is the embodiment of God's love for His children! 1 Nephi 11:21-22 And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw? 22 And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the love of God, which sheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the most desirable above all things.

The love of God is what I desire. Not only for myself, but for all those I love. 

Winter Scripture Study

 I struggle every year with seasonal depression on top of narcolepsy. The two go hand-in-hand. Today, I want to learn about winter in the scriptures. I honestly don't know how much I will find about winter, but I'm excited to learn about God as I seek to embrace this hard season of life.

Genesis 8:22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.

Opposites are a part of this life, so long as earth remains. 

Psalms 74:17 Thou hast set all the borders of the earth: thou hast made summer and winter.

God is the creator of winter. 

I then read about Winter Quarters during the exodus of the Saints from Nauvoo. It puts my own version of winter in perspective a bit to read about cramped quarters, disease, and malnutrition. I am taught what trust in God looks like. God created winter, and he also created me. He is going to help me find success on this journey. 

Study on a Cold Tuesday, in the winter.

 Some mornings are easier to get excited about. Some mornings are cold, and dark, and difficult. But today, I am studying the scriptures because scriptures are all meant to point us to Christ. To teach us about who God is that would send His Son to be condemned by the world He came to save. 

Today in the study of Women of the Word, I learned about the overarching narrative of the bible. It is, Creation, fall, redemption, restoration. I learned that the stories and scriptures all take on deeper meaning when viewed in the context of this narrative. 

Specifically, today I read the referenced Psalm 23: 

PSALM 23

David declares, The Lord is my shepherd.

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my ^ashepherd; I shall not ^bwant.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he ^aleadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of ^arighteousness for his ^bname’s sake.

4 Yea, though I ^awalk through the ^bvalley of the ^cshadow of ^ddeath, I will fear no ^eevil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they ^fcomfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou ^aanointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely ^agoodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

These scriptures reassure me that Christ is the Good shepherd who will redeem me from the fall and will restore me in His goodness. 

I finished up today's reading with these reflection questions. I love that even on a Tuesday, I don't need to wait to have big feelings about the scriptures I'm reading to learn about God in them! 

Too Weak To Study?

I am currently laying on my beautiful bed. My muscles are shaky and weak, my brain is tired and groggy. Last night I helped my daughter untangle her hair. This endeavor kept me up 2 hours after my usual bedtime, but we ended with smiles and as a mom there are few sacrifices I'm unwilling to make for the well-being of my daughters.

I'm too weak to do many things, but I believe I can still study and learn about God in this place of weakness. Indeed, I believe that one of the most powerful times to learn about God are during trials when we need him most.

The definition of weakness in Guide to the Scriptures is as follows: The condition of being mortal and lacking ability, strength, or skill. Weakness is a state of being. All people are weak, and it is only by God’s grace that they receive power to do righteous acts (Jacob 4:6–7). This weakness is manifest in part in the individual weaknesses or frailties that each person has. 

The whole chapter of Isaiah 35 speaks of restoration. When the Lord sends restoration the weak hands and the feeble knees will be given strength, the desert will be given water, fearful would be given strength and trust in the Lord's preservation, the eyes of the blind will see, the ears of the death will hear.

In short, in the day of restoration the Lord will restore to us and compensate for us, all that has gone wrong will be made right.

Today I am weak, but I am also God's daughter and in my weakness when I turn my weakness over to him I can be given strength not only in my body but in my mind and my spirit. I am so grateful for the scriptures to remind me that I am never too weak for God. He gives me weakness and turning to him I may be humble and he can make my weakness strength.

Change of Plans

 Well, I found out that my plans for this morning have changed and I need to be able to listen to a scripture study, rather than write and study here. 

This Book of Mormon podcast was what I ended up going with. 

It's Starting to Feel Like Routine

 This morning, like almost all mornings with narcolepsy, I am feeling tired and struggling to wake up. I have my light therapy box in my home office and so it helps me get myself here, in this seat. Once here, I'm feeling the routine start to take hold. It's time to study who God is! 

I think a big part of why this routine is taking over is that I am learning to take pleasure in studying the scriptures. I'm learning to love God and love learning about Him. 

In Women of the Word, Jenn recommends we:

 

"Every good endeavor should be done with purpose" says Jenn. Today, I am going to focus my scripture study on my purpose for wanting to learn how to study the scriptures and my purpose for making deep, meaningful personal scripture study an important part of my life. 

Right now, I would say I have a few important purposes for this study. 

• I want to truly KNOW God. I have so much faith in Him and have seen His hand in my life throughout my life. I feel I owe it to God and to myself during this season of life to recommit to our eternal relationship and to study Him the same way I'm studying to get a second degree. 
• Life is hard. Scripture study won't make it easy, but it will ground  my faith. I want to nurture my spiritual faith like the most rare and tender plant. 
• My girls- I want them to know that their mother knows  God personally. I want to lead them by example. 

I am going to print these out so that I have a daily reminder of my purpose in studying the scriptures! 

For my scripture study, I ended up in the book of Job- a perfect place to find purpose in life I think. 

Job 38: 1-7

Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,

2 Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

3 Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.

4 Where wast thou when I ^alaid the ^bfoundations of the ^cearth? declare, if thou hast understanding.

5 Who hath ^alaid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?

6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the ^acorner stone thereof;

7 When the morning stars ^asang together, and all the ^bsons of God shouted for ^cjoy?

This is the God that I am coming to know. God is the beginning and the end and the fact that I have invited to "Come unto [Him] all ye that labor and are heavy laden and [He] will give me rest" is mind-bogglingly beautiful! My life will be so much more vibrant as I continue to persevere in this study of Him who created all things! 

Somedays, You Want to Stay in Bed

 I believe that I often blame "adulting" for forcing me to make responsible choices. I'm coming to realize though that making responsible choices in the moment is me choosing not to postpone tasks and push them further forward to stress out future me. 

I'm dealing with that right now.

I feel like, by acknowledging that present me is dealing with what needs to be dealt with now, saving future me added pain, I feel better about "adulting". 

Life always feels better when we see we are making good choices, rather than being acted upon. 

This morning, I'm reading the section in Women of the Word entitled "Bible Literacy". I am grateful to have not only the Bible, not only the Book of Mormon and other restoration scriptures, but modern day prophets and apostles who can aid in knowing God's word. 

I love the quote: "The God of the Bible is too lovely to abandon for lesser pursuits". 

So I am using my agency today, and using the resources of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ to study agency in the scriptures today. I want to firm up the pleasure I take in using my agency for good, just as God did in the creation story. 

Agency: The ability and privilege God gives people to choose and to act for themselves.

• And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15
• Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself. 2 Nephi 2:27.
• I have all things that I need to choose one way or the other. When people do not have all that they need for survival, I wonder if God is more merciful in judging them, since their choices are not always as free as mine?

Two Days in a Row!

 Between the end-of-year holidays, and going on vacation, this is my first two days in a row since I started this back before the break!

Habits happen one day at a time, so I'm going to celebrate every win. 

Today, I'm hitting the pause button on Women of the Word, to dig in deeper to Genesis chapter 1. Here are my thoughts from my deeper dive study of these scriptures. 

• Genesis is the first book of Moses. 
• It is believed to have been written by Moses following the exodus, around 1400 BC, with its last revision around 400 BC. 
• God's view of time is different from our mortal, limited view. The creative periods that God calls "Days" represent huge periods of time to our mortal mind, and yet to God they are organized. 
• God is a god of miracles. The first book of Genesis uses the story of creation to prove God's power. It is a story that each of us can bear witness to each day as we see the sun rise and set, the moon provide unique tides, the plant and animal life, the variety of climate and scene. 
• The first verse, the word God links to this scripture in the Book of Mormon: 

Mormon 9:11 But behold, I will show unto you a God of miracles, even the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob; and it is that same God who created the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are.

• When God speaks, all elements obey Him. Will I choose to obey Him when He Speaks? YES!
• I love how often in this chapter the phrase: "And God saw that it was good". Too often I focus on the negative news, or on the stressful situation. If I take time to see that which is good in this world, in my life, I can become more like God, and happier too!
• Internal to my divine nature as a daughter of God is my ability to organize and to create good things. God shows this power in this chapter. I want to develop my God-like abilities to organize and create good things. 
• I like that God takes time to evaluate His creations after creating them. When He sees that what He created is good, He moves on to the next thing. Perhaps I can focus on creating good, rather than perfect and move on to the next thing when I have reached good. 
• God uses the lights in the firmament (sun, moon, stars) to provide signs for His children. He has also given us His words, our own internal Light of Christ, the Holy Ghost, angels, prophets and apostles, etc. He wants to commune with His children. Do I want to commune with my Father?
• Can I believe that God's miracles are for me? 
• In order for the earth to have predictable seasons, the earth had to be placed perfectly in its orbit around the sun, at the tilted angle it is at, with the rotation of the planet such as would equally warm its surfaces to inhabitable temperatures. The creation story is pivotal to my belief in God because the earth shows so many impossible-to-imagine scenarios in which everything aligns perfectly to create this amazing world. 
• As Genesis talks about the creation of plants, animals, etc. I realize how marvelous our world is- it is BURSTING with life! We search the galaxy looking for proof of the tiniest microbial life form in other planets or other solar systems and yet here on earth there are still undiscovered life forms and such abundant forms and varieties of life as to blow the mind! 
• God is so good to His children! He is intentionally good. This world is good, because He designed and made it so. 

I can't wait to see where my own path to creating a solid scripture habit and foundation take me. I believe it will take me to God! 

Studying Scriptures On a Holiday

 Today is a work and school holiday and I wanted to study my scriptures anyway. I'm taking this as a really good sign that I am slowly building scripture study habits that I find meaningful and that I enjoy. One of the things that has been super helpful for my scripture motivation has been reading the book of Mormon as a family each night. As we study together, my desire to study on my own grows. As I study on my own, I want to study with my family. It has been a very positive cycle. 

I'm back in Women of the Word, chapter 2, which starts out with this verse: 

Romans 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.

I am excited as I see my continual efforts in the scriptures slowly building my hope in the scriptures. 

This chapter was one in which I just needed to do a lot of reading and pondering. Here are some things I learned: 

1. In order to break an unhelpful habit, I first need to see just how much I am doing it and how it impacts my life and those around me. 

2. Approaching the scriptures in an attempt to "feel" better leaves me with a shaky foundation for when I come across a scripture that questions my feelings. 

3. God is way more concerned with the decision maker than with any individual decision we may make. 

4. Books about the bible are easier to understand, but don't allow me to grow bible literacy. This one hit me hard, because I literally have been studying the book- Women of the Word, as a large part of my scripture study. It makes me grateful that I have also been reading scriptures as a family every day, but this one I may need to revisit to see how I can better keep diving into the scriptures during my study. 

Since I learned these things, I turned to Genesis chapter 1: 

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

3 And God said, Let there be blight: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6 ¶ And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9 ¶ And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto bone place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14 ¶ And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24 ¶ And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

26 ¶ And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

29 ¶ And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

In these versus, I learn that God is a creator, the creator of all that is and of me! I learn that he cares about goodness and that this earth was made very good for us to live on. I am so thankful that the bible starts out this way, and grateful to study the scriptures on a holiday. It makes it into a holy day. 

Back in The Saddle: Back From Vacation

Our family trip to Dallas was fantastic. 

It was also extremely exhausting. Welcome to traveling with narcolepsy and children. 

Today is actually the third day back for us- I'm only just now getting back into not collapsing into a heap and letting out tears after getting the kids off to school in the morning. 

Life can be exhausting at times. Social media sure doesn't help that situation. Neither does winter depression. 

I have a life goal of eventually working into a position where I can travel to warmer locations every winter. Fingers-crossed it works out for me! I really love to dream, but now its time to buckle down and study God's word. 

In Women of the Word, she quotes a pleasure-researcher, Paul Bloom in explaining how do you get more pleasure out of life? Study more. By learning about a thing, you learn to enjoy it more. I wonder if I learned more about Utah's winter weather if I might enjoy it more? Not related to coming to know God, perhaps, but very relevant to my current struggle....

Psalm 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

As I come to know the Lord, His history, His acts, I can find more heart-felt pleasure in the Lord and what He is doing in my life and in the lives of my children, parents, all who are around me! 

In the section: God Before Me, Mind Before Heart, I learned the importance of putting myself on the back-burner so to speak as I focus first on God. By focusing first on God, I will learn what He wants me to know, feel His love for me, and be directed and nourished in the correct order. 

Here are the final questions for reflection, and my answers: 

   

1. I have seen the scriptures as a book about me when I expect to be emotionally moved and comforted by every verse of scripture I read. This isn't really realistic. It definitely has caused unneeded doubt in my heart. When I see the scriptures as being about God, and I focus on using my mind to learn about Him, it becomes like other study topics, something I can dive deeply in with enjoyment, not expecting to feel or be moved by any particular idea. 

2. I totally fall into measuring the strength of my faith by how I feel! This is why depression has been so very painful for me. It deadens all feeling and makes me worry that I don't have faith, that I don't love God, even that I don't love my husband or children! The danger of trusting feelings is that there is much that is temporal and not under my control that goes into these feelings. 

3. I love the idea that if I love playing the piano, I will make a disciplined study of it, it will become an important part of my life. By focusing on coming to know God and making a disciplined study of Him, I can find a closure relationship with Him, just as I come to know my spouse through getting to know him deeply. 

4. I have been taught and have believed some pretty nasty things about God and my relationship with Him- namely that in order to be worthy of being saved in the celestial kingdom I had to be as near to being perfect as made no difference. Doubt and questioning were shamed, rules were made up to keep me "far from the line" of actual sin. You were allowed to sin in not praying deeply enough or not studying scripture deeply enough, but to leave the church for any reason opened you to public shaming and gossip. The idea that through the process of doubting and questioning, I could find pleasure in turning to and learning about God is a little mind-blowing to me. I guess I still, deep down, struggle with the belief that righteousness equates to suffering. You must attend church every single Sunday, even on vacation with family. You must shun things you find pleasure in, because that could lead to carnality. I have been very well taught how to fear God, and to call that fear love. I have never been taught to take pleasure in my relationship with God. It sounds pleasing, and maybe even makes my learning heart nervous. 

Here is my epiphany: 

For perhaps my whole life, I have believed that there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I was taught that I should: 

Serve the Lord with fear, Ps. 2:11.

Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, Ps. 111:10.

Fear the Lord and depart from evil, Prov. 3:7.

It shall be well with them that fear God, Eccl. 8:12.

Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, Philip. 2:12.

I am starting to consider that fearing God, and trying to work out my own salvation in fear and trembling are perhaps idols I have been taught to worship. They are idols of self-castigation. They are idols that make me believe I am capable of saving myself with enough fear of God. 

Instead, I wonder if I shouldn't learn from John that:

15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God.

16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

Returning from Holiday Break

 One issue with setting my scripture study time to be directly after getting the girls to school is this: during school vacations, I don't have a time to study scriptures....

I did have a lovely holiday break, however, full of family and love and relaxing.

We will go back to the routine of school for 2 days, and then my family is off to a vacation to visit family in Dallas. I am already pondering ways to continue scripture study while we are away. I will likely utilize my favorite scripture of the day app, we'll see. 

Today, as it is the first day back to school for my kids, I am pondering new goals. One of my new goals is to read the Book of Mormon with my family this year. So I went looking for a year-long scripture study list. I found many, but ended up using this one. 

Today, for my personal study I am back in Women of the Word. Turnaround 2 is: Let the Mind Transform the Heart. 

Mark 12:30 "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength, this is the first commandment." In the footnotes, heart links to commitment in the topical guide. 

Rather than looking for God's word to pamper my heart- my emotions and my desire for comfort and peace, can I remember that loving God with my heart will require commitment? That committing to something means staying true to it, even when things get hard and your not filled with bubbly happy feelings? 

Can  I love God with my mind as well? Can I love God intellectually in a time when intellect and faith are taught by men to be polar opposites? 

Several scriptures were shared that showed the importance of letting our minds lead our journey to know God, but one in particular was Romans 12:2-3: "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith." 

God has distributed to every person and to me He certainly has given me a mind capable of study and understanding. I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind as I learn about God and as I prove (or test) His commandments by living them! 

I am eager to begin letting my mind lead me on this journey of coming to know God!